I'm coming out of hiding. Over the past eight months, I've not been writing for this newsletter. I've been focusing on other things (more about that later). As well, I've been living with the question of what I'm here to say. The joke is that I haven't actually figured it out. It reminds me of some experiences at restaurants. The waitress comes over. She asks if we're ready to order. Some more confident person at the table says yes, even though I haven't decided yet. Then the moment comes. She's expecting an answer from me. Without thinking, I say the first thing that comes to mind. Ah. That is what I want. Maybe writing this newsletter is like that.
So here I am again. I've decided to rename it. Previously it was called, “The Wild Call of Nature,” a subtle nod to Francis Weller's book, The Wild Edge of Sorrow, but much less evocative. While I certainly liked elements of that name, it never quite sit right. As I was talking to some friends about this, my good friend Reet suggested a new name. It landed like a ton of bricks. Duh. Why didn't I think of that? Thanks, Reet!
By the way, Reet has her own substack newsletter you can find here. She writes about her personal experiences and awakenings working within wilderness therapy. It's very personal and sweet and you can feel her deep passion for nature connection.
Back to the name. Each of us at Anasazi (the wilderness therapy program I worked at for two years), receives what we call a “trail name.” It's a name gifted by those who know us, intended to highlight and invite forth our personal “Seed of Greatness.” I was amazed and honored when I received mine on the third or fourth day of my training.
We consider the “trail names” to be mysterious things. We are taught that when it comes time to gift a name, even if we haven't thought of one, to hold the naming ceremony anyway and the name will be delivered on the “Sacred Wind.” This is our terminology for referring to that mysterious, animate force that pervades all things (what you may call God, Spirit, Mystery, Nature, Etc..).
This may sound mystical, and it is, but I believe it. How else could I explain what happened? These two individuals who named me offered me the name, “Voice of the Saguaro”. Neither of them knew that two years prior, I spent 3 days fasting alone in the wilderness right next to a mighty Saguaro Cactus—or that this very same cactus would gift me a sacred name on my final day. Neither could they have known that three months prior, after three weeks of solitude in the wilderness, I made a vow that would kill me to break to use my voice to speak for the forgotten Earth community. Yet, the Sacred Wind knew and chose them to deliver to me a name that would be an ever-present reminder of that.
Much, as always, is still shrouded in mystery, but I'd like to tell you about this name a little. The voice of the saguaro, as was explained to me, is the ominous song it sings while the wind sings through its spines. One could right question, as I have, if it's actually the saguaro that's singing at all. Rather, one may be right to say that it's the wind that is singing—using the saguaro as its instrument. Of course, both must be true. The wind and the saguaro come together in a dance that allows them both to sing in a way neither could do alone.
Thus, this name is a constant reminder for me to do two things: to listen intently for the Sacred Wind and to offer my body as Her instrument. This way we can sing together.
Honestly, singing is a frightening thing for me. Particularly this kind of singing—the one that taps directly into the creative source where all things spring from. The kind when you don't know what might come out. Yet, it is what She has continually called me to do in countless ways: dreams, visions, longings, and even through the instrument of other human beings. So this is me doing it.
I don't know what this newsletter will become, and I intend to keep it that way. There are some days I'm feeling taken by some animistic intensity—when I feel called to sing of magic and mystery, to invoke forth the world where nymphs and fairies still live. On other days, I feel myself burning with a wild intensity—when I feel called to call forth spells of ferocity that cut through everything that is not true. On other days I feel broken open by a beautiful tenderness that holds grief-stricken tenderness for all that lives and breathes.
I intend to let these songs spill forth uninhibited from whatever mysterious place they come from. Some days, I may fail. Some days, I may be unclear about what is inspiration drawn from that mysterious force and what is my own egoistic intentions. Perhaps this is part of its purpose. I've had an emerging, growing belief and faith in this thing called Truth. I don't exactly know what Truth is—it's much deeper and more indelible than this thing we call facts. In this time of great unraveling, while families fight families, the Earth rumbles beneath us, and Spirit calls us to a world of possibilities we can scarcely believe; we need this Truth more than anything. It is the only thing I can imagine that can ferry us through this time of great conflict and uncertainty.
I will write boldly here, but please don't take that to mean that I am an authority on the things for which I speak. I am an imperfect instrument seeking to sing songs that are carried to me on the Sacred Wind. Some notes will surely be dissonant. Perhaps it will be because I hit the wrong note now and then. In these times, I hope you correct me. Or perhaps it is just I am singing along to a melody that is yours yet to sing. Because if there's one thing I know is true, it’s that the Sacred Wind doesn't sing to me alone.
I recall walking through those desert canyons and hearing the chorus of saguaro cactus on the valley side. The Voice of the Saguaro doesn't belong to one person alone. It is an act of co-creation—a symphony that can only happen if we join our voices together.
So welcome to the Voice of the Saguaro.
May we all become instruments for the Sacred Wind.
One last thing. Upon this rerelease, I’ve decided to add paid subscription options. I have no intention of ever putting this newsletter behind a paywall. I have faith in the idea of the gift. Every nature song I’ve ever heard has been freely offered to all with ears to listen. So my articles will be freely accessible to anyone, paid subscription or not.
If you feel inspired to offer a financial gift in return, I will freely accept it. This gift will not only support me in devoting more energy to this project but will be a deep affirmation of the process—a reminder that my singing is a welcome gift to the world.
Either way, thanks for being here! Your simple presence is a gift in itself.
Beautiful